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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Amelia" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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03:03 am
[Link] | so... i'm having a baby. 12 weeks along, got to hear the heartbeat last tuesday, got a huge shit-eating grin on my face. kid's dad said i was blushing hardcore, too. don't doubt, i could feel it. daddy's someone that i met on the road, picked each other up in santa fe and have been with him since. drives me crazy sometimes, but i likes him.
he apparently wants to have sex at some point in a mcdonalds bathroom while eating a cheeseburger. the conversation happening around me is highly amusing...
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04:09 pm
[Link] |
i'm in denver!
i'm in denver, gothicsidre, call me!
651-226-8580
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12:38 am
[Link] | mwah-ha. i'm in LA. with absolutely *no* plan on what to do afterwards. good times.
alright, not *no* plan. thinking of meeting up with tree and his lady and bummin with them. whee.
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10:36 am
[Link] |
well, how about that.
i was supposed to fly out to san fran tomorrow morning. until we got a call this morning that my bgrandmother died last night. so now i'm going to minnesota. i'll be there from thursday morning until next week sometime. it'll be good to see everybody, just wish it were under different circumstances. so... see everybody at hard mondays.
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05:19 pm
[Link] |
cali trip
someone suggested that i try this. if anybody wants to loan me money for airfare (any bit helps) they can send it through paypal. keep in mind this is a loan. i'm planning on repaying everybody once i'm paid in california. (problem is i can't get paid until i get there, can't get there until i get paid...)
my goal is $600 to cover airfare and any random fees or anything.
no worries if you can't help. i'm not trying to mooch off everybody.
my paypal email's lovelydahling@gmail.com
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03:02 pm
[Link] |
fucks sake!
i thought i had airfare for cali. i thought i'd get to see my friends, new and old. i thought i'd finally be able to make money in a way that *i* wanted to.
and i thought i was happy with andrew. despite a lot of arguments.
i just want out.
i want my escape, i want to find what makes me happy. i don't want to be here anymore.
i want friends that call me up for more than just sex. i'm depressed and crying and there's *nobody* that i feel like i should be calling over here to come and help me. even malia, it feels like she'd hpld me and say that she understood but meantime be thinking that andrew's right about me. i'm shaking. i feel like if half the people i know here saw me crying, they'd bail. i don't want to eat but i know that i should. i want to smoke and know that i shouldn't.
i want to go through an entire week where i don't argue with andrew, and don't get a lecture about how i'm not being in touch with the metaphysical side. i want andrew to understand. i want to understand andrew.
i want to live. i want to give up.
but all i can do right now is cry like an idiot.
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09:16 am
[Link] |
woah, she's alive!
okay, time to really update this thing.
i'm living on napoopoo road, which is the road down to kealaekua bay, where captain cook first landed on the islands. i live with my boyfriend andrew, and we're thinking about switching into a different space on the same land so that our girlfriend can move in with us. yay! our house is what you'd call coffee-shack-chique. its been build onto randomly for about 11 years, since herman started leasing it. what started as a tiny shack now has 3 bedrooms, and there are two outlying independent shacks that people are also renting. we're thinking about moving into the one called xanadu beginning of next year.
i'm dating two people right now, andrew and malia. andrew's a computer geek/techy who can rebuild damn near anything.the other week he rejoined a split fiberoptics cable with only a bic lighter. the kid's got skills. he's only around 5 months older than me, too! then there's malia, who's like a compact version of me. long curly hair, former bellydancer, does screenprinting in town for work. andrew's a lucky lucky boy...
at the moment i'm not working (who's shocked by that?) but i've got a trip lined up to head over to california. i'll be there for around 3 weeks. week 1 in sanfran, doing a few modeling shoots and such, meeting up with people i haven't seen in ages. then on to meeting josh around la. met josh when he and a huge group of friends came over to spread his mother's ashes with one of her sisters and their mothers (josh's grandma's). i'm really excited! i've never been to cali before, so it should be an adventure. plus i've been meeting a bunch of people to play tourguide and all that.
i'm really thinking this place is too damn small for me. i need to be in a bigger city, where i can be as flamboyant (or not) as i want to be and it won't be spread throughout town within minutes... *grin* still love the climate and everything, but need a *city* to wander through. and honolulu just does *not* really appeal. we'll see. andrew's from PA, and might want to head back at some point. maybe i belong on the east coast? at least until wintertime hits...
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09:15 pm
[Link] | alright, i suppose 21 weeks between updates is a little ridiculous...
i'm living on napoopoo road with andrew still, and we've got a girlfriend named malia. she's a smaller version of me. its funny. andrew's a lucky boy.
i'm going to be traveling in january... going to california, doing a shoot to pay for it. plus i get to see my californian plaything. *purr*
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08:35 pm
[Link] |
keeping the world on its toes...
so no baby. and now no me and purple.
my confession to the world, i'm done lying. i've been cheating on purple for the past year and a half. i should have told him before i left for here, he probably wouldn't have come all this way just to be left... i didn't deserve him in the first place, really. i slept with a few people over here, and on the last one decided i couldn't hide it anymore. i told him about that one (though not the previous ones, someone else did me that favor...). i'm sorry. i'm sure i've never been this sorry before. and i fully accept that it was my fault. i'm sure i'll lose friends through this. honestly i don't blame them. and before anyone asks, yes the baby was definately his. i was careful with things like protection. i never brought anything home, baby or disease.
its liberating, almost. maybe this is why i was depressed for so long.
i'm moving out of our house, finding a job and a place to live in town. i'm going to do my best to help purple out. with bills that we shared, with a plane ticket home if that's what he wants.
i'm sorry to anyone that i hurt by doing this. i'm trying to find my new leaf so i can turn it over. i'm mostly sorry for how much i hurt purple. he really is the best thing that happened to me, i still wanted to spend the rest of my life with him... i just wasn't ready for the rest of my life yet...
and with a bow, she leaves the stage, amid the booing crowd.
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12:31 am
[Link] | i'm empty.
no baby.
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09:34 am
[Link] | hello world, i'm pregnant...
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05:08 pm
[Link] | mustn't crush, mustn't kill.
worst. st patty's. ever.
rivaled only by the year that shane's grandma died.
seriously.
never bet on me having a good st. patty's. you'd lose.
i get emotional. never just mad. or whatever. emotional = hysterics. i'm working on not crying i'm so pissed off. my boss tore all the labels i had so painstakingly put up. she gave me a lecture about how "i'll teach you more eventually, but i don't feel like you have to basics down yet. and i know how hard it is to switch tasks and then come back to circulation..." um, no. what do you think we've been doing the last week while you've been gone? knitting? if she could just accept that i'm not a 2yearold! i've damn near finished an entire novel today! compare that to the days when pam was here from a different library while mara was on vacation. i barely got time to sit! we were pulling holds, filling out hold slips, finishing off the boxes of stuff, doing check in, everything. i even know how to do stuff that mara probably doesn't! or won't. like extending people's time on our internet. "only 1 hour each, even if you've been in here everyday trying to finish a resume, handicapped guy."
mustn't crush, mustn't kill...
Current Mood:  pissed off
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10:07 am
[Link] | i officially hate my boss. there, i said it. she's been out of town for 10 days, and things went so much more smoothly around here. i got to do more than just deal with the money and checkout. i learned how to check in, and how to do holds... we finally got through the back log of holds that were sitting in cardboard boxes around the library... while she was gone we found out "uh-oh, the timesheet your sent in? our office has *no* record of you. that's right, we didn't get any of the over a dozen pages you filled out when you got hired. and oh, by the way, you can't get paid until we get them." and my boss this morning when i reminded her said "well, i've got to deal with other stuff from my boss first, gotta put out those fires! i'll get to it." which means stop bothering me, you underling, i've got better things to do than pay you... agh! i liked my job so much when we had substitute bosses! they were amazed that i didn't know how to check-in. they showed me things that the system can do, instead of harping on every minute detail about the order i do my *very* limited tasks in.
that being said, i'm back down to only 2 days a week. last week i worked every day that we were open.
and now on fridays i've got a job working at paleaku, the peace gardens. not sure what, sounds like something to do with rocks... $10/hour, not bad.
and now my boss is rearranging the holds. because how we've been doing it couldn't possibly be right...
i *was* going to rearrange back here in the staff section of the library. but i think mara'd have to remove the stick from her ass before she'd let me. and i don't see that happening without some major surgery...
Current Location: kealakekua library.
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12:22 pm
[Link] |
helllllllllo!
i'm doing a happy dance! purple gets here in *checks watch* 30 hours!
updates for the masses (cause i'm sure everyone's been waiting with bated breath... *grin*)
i'm all settled in at the farm. loretta (interloper) still hasn't moved out, so i still don't have the room upstairs. but sounds like lindy and mike are expecting loretta indefinately. they told us we might as well make ourselves at home downstairs. unfortunately that puts us right under lindy and mike's bedroom. so everyone will be having uncomfortable sex for a while. *grin* we've got a futon to sleep on, nice shelves, and a garden view. hell, the garden's only 5 steps away, pretty much.
i got a job! i'm working at the kealakekua library, mostly doing checkout for mara, my bosslady. she lives up the same hill road as my family so i can catch a lift with her everyday that i'm working. i think eventually i'll have to kill her. she doesn't want us being *too* social with everyone, because "we are state employees after all" but if i look too down she says something about being sick and not wanting me to touch everything... ugh. but i'm too competent for her to fire me. i've pretty much figured that out. unless she decided i have a serious attitude problem or something, i'm golden. its only two days a week, too, so i don't have to worry about it two much. i can suffer through two days of mara. i think i need to find another part time something, too, but sounds like lindy's going to encourage purple to find something so she can keep me for the farm.
farm work's been alright. the problem all of us have is remembering to rake the drying coffee on the decks, no big deal, just means it might not dry as fast, or not as evenly or something. we finished picking the last round of the season on our farm. only took 3 people 2 days, which i think is a record. course we only pulled 110lbs of coffee cherry off the entire farm... usually we'd be doing that *each* person, each day. eh. this was the end of the bell curve. small rounds at the beggining, huge rounds right in the middle, then trickles out again. we won't be picking coffee on our farm again until next octoberish. purple might be roped into picking on his second day here, though. dan's going to be picking over at a different farm and might want our help on friday. hopefully not. i plan on being nekkid.
purple gets in tomorrow, around 6:30. we're doing the family dinner thing at a restaurant right on the ocean (purple's never even seen it before), and then the sexing begins. and continues right up until friday. even if we're not picking we're going to do a movie night, invited the neighbors and everything. lindy and mike are having their anniversary on the 29th, leap day. one *real* anniversary every 4 years. so they're taking about a week and going out to lindy's cottage to be naked together. naked all over the place. hopefully loretta will mostly be gone. i'm sick of dealing with her. she's so... burned out.
and i got a tattoo! i met some people down at lulu's (bar, kinda overpriced, but fun people) that were from sandiego. one of them owns a vacation rental down ali'i drive from the bar, so i started hanging out with them for a few days, crashed down at the rental. went back next week-ish, and another friend of theirs had gotten there who was a tattoo artist! didn't realise, but most of the tattoos that i really liked on robin (girlfriend to brian, that owned the rental) were done by brizo! he's got his own shop in sanD, and brought his kit over with him to hopefully pay his way. wound up without enough cash onhand, and was really bumming, so brian paid me to clean his condo. paid for my tattoo plus $50. the tattoo's a purple-toned (purple for ma hunny) starfish (for coming home to the island), point down (my little tip to the pagans) and its perfect. brizo took the design i had and said "but what about *this* *drawing*" and made it so much better. after mine he did another tattoo on robin, a really nice free-form hibiscus flower... i'll work on finding pictures of his other stuff. his shop is called "InSkin".
life is bubbly!
Current Location: kealakekua library.
Current Mood:  bubbly!
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11:03 am
[Link] | all crappiness aside, i made it out of oahu alright. i'm in honaunau now, which is in the south of the Kona district, south of the airport and kailua-kona (city on this side). been picking coffee everyday (almost) since i got over here. we picked a neighboring farm that we buy coffee from, and finished our farm yesterday. so today is around the house chores, cleaning, whatever else.
love you and miss you all. the crappy hillary duff remake of cinderella of all things made me especially miss purple and miss minnesota by proxy. looks like things are mostly in order for him to come at the end of february. if you think you liked anything that we owned, i'm sure there's more stuff to sell off, go ahead and call him. 651-331-6824...
i only have dialup over here, so i won't be posting too too often.
if you want to be penpals, leave me a comment with your address and everything. i'll leave them screened so only i can see it.
aloha!
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10:34 am
[Link] |
i KEELL YOU!!!
okay, amelia = pissed right now. i was supposed to be leaving the island in about 30 minutes. instead i'm paying the fare of the flight half again because my friends boyfriend decided not to show up until about 20 minutes ago. it take fuckin 30 minutes at least to get to the airport.
so. the story.
i'm staying at nani and erik's. erik said he could give me a lift out to the airport, so i didn't have to worry about taking a cab or anything. good on him. last night we went out to the bar, since it was my last night out here. 6 of us went out, played drinking game, had a good time. met up with another friend, everyone else went home (had to work in the morning). my friend and i went out to another bar, continued drinking, good times. when we were parting ways i reminded erik that he'd said he was giving me a ride, and that i'd call him and make sure he was up and i could get into their fort-knox-of-an-apartment. went to the bar with my friend, we stayed up all night. by the time we were tired enough to sleep, we decided to stay up so i could get back to the apartment in time to pack up my stuff. caught a cab from the navy base where i was, got here around 9. plenty of time to pack and get ready. except i couldn't get ahold of erik on his phone. rang twice and then went straight to voicemail. every time. so fuck monkeys. got someone to let me onto their floor (key operated elevator, keyed front door, keyed apartment door. like i said, fort knox...). sat banging on their damn apartment door for a good 45 minutes hoping to wake eric up. (nani was at work). their neighbors left and came back again, asked them to key me into the parking garage to see if their car was even there. (would have sooner, but no key...) and the car wasn't even fucking there! so here i am, about to miss my flight, all my worldly possessions are in their apartment, including my laptop and ipod and all my luggage. i was seriously contemplating just bussing to the airport and making erik mail me my damn shit. i was pissed to the point of shaking. i had been knocking on the fucking door for 45 minutes! i was there! i actually bothered to get my ass out of bed and be there, and they fucking weren't! erik finally comes tooling up, all nonchalant, like he was perfectly fine, in the right, nothing wrong. meantime i wanted to kick his teeth out. seriously, if the door frame had been wood, i would've kicked it down trying to knock. fuck. so now of course i can't catch my flight. if we'd been leaving right when he tooled up, i couldn't even have made it. and his excuse was that they'd stayed the night at a friends house, and his phone was dead, and "oh, i thought you said 10, i was here at 10..." um, no. he was here at 10:10. not enough time to fucking get there. much less get up to the apartment, pack my shit, load it all into the car, and get there. fuck fuck fuck. so i called to change my flight, and they wanted $40 to delay it. the flight itself was only $40. seriously, that's rediculous. i had to push it back all the way to 6:25, and they charged me another $20. i had to use the emergency credit card that my dad gave me, which i *really* didn't want to have to. now i look completely irresponsible. and it's not my damn fault! my mom said something about mailing my dad $20. which i was planning on doing anyway. but i was fucking pissed off to almost the point of crying. that was not the damn time to bring it up...
so what started as a good morning continued from a good night wound up with amelia trying to break down a damn door to wake up someone that couldn't even be bothered to be inside. fucktards. i pissed. pissed pissed pissed. i kill things. they're lucky their kitten's really cute. or i'd smash.
and now i want another cigarette. basterds.
Current Mood: pissed off
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06:01 pm
[Link] |
Moving Sale!
Purple is hosting a sale to try and be rid of our excess things. it's at our house this saturday, and everything is priced to be rid of it! many things $5 or $10 a bag, lots of clothing, shiny metal pointy things, and lots of furniture. please for the love of god come by and buy things so we don't have to throw it away!
this saturday, noonish until people stop showing up.
955 wilson ave, saint paul
if you need any more info call purple, 651-331-6824.
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05:58 pm
[Link] |
next installment in the adventures of amelia
Still on oahu, but change of living space. ozzy's friend monica unexpectedly got a call from her dad saying that he and his girlfriend were coming out to visit for her birthday. in three days. oh by the way, could she put them up while they're here. so i got das boot and am staying with my cousin's fabulous friend nani. she lives in closer to waikiki (the main beach) so its actually kinda nice. i'm sleeping out on her lanai (balcony/porch) and get to go to sleep looking at the city, and wake up with a (distant) ocean view. nani and her boyfriend eric have the cutest kitten in the world. little siamese thing.
walked down to ala moana beach park, across the street from ala moana mall. lounged on the beach and read in the sunshine, bought food from the food courst in the mall and then back to chill on the beach a while longer. good times.
i spend this weekend here and we'll hopefully get out a couple more times before i go. monday i have a flight over to the big island. still not entirely sure how i'm getting to the airport. all else failing i'll call for a cab, i suppose.
ta-ta for now, aloha!
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10:04 am
[Link] | anyone have anything that i *have* to do before i leave honolulu? i'm staying in closer to waikiki now, so downtown is almost a hop and a skip.
"maid of honor is like sandpaper on vagina, she's fucking abrasive" - Nani, describing some maid of honor at a friend's wedding.
so, yeah. nani = good times.
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05:54 pm
[Link] | still over in honolulu, but not for too much longer. today i'm moving over to stay with my cousin roxanne's friend nani. she's closer to waikiki, the main city/beach. nothing too much to report. been helping ozzy clear the barracks and get ready to go to fort bragg. yesterday his stuff was getting packed, so he dropped me down in waikiki to walk around. walked from ala moana (the 2nd largest mall in the country) all over. got to sit on the beach in view of the diamondhead mountain. finally after wandering, i cound the irish bar we went to the other night and got to sit and have a guiness. also got to get some mochi from the mall food court... i'm betting nobody in minnesota has any idea what mochi is, but its fabulous. kinda somewhere between thick past and jello, with a little flour thrown in for good measure. trust me, it tastes lots better than it sounds.
so... who's jealous of my sunshiney day? *grin*
Current Mood:  sunny
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